i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize