there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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