He felt like a one man threesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
