whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
