dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
