It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
