C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
