apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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