You made me cry and you don't even care
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
