When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
