You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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