rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
