toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
