Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
