Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
