I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm just crazy horny about you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
