I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
