If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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