Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
