There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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