so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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