you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
