You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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