There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
