if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
