hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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