dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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