absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
