bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
