My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
