Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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