I'm really into asian looking animals
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
