i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
