I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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