Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She bit a glass in half.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
