You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize