I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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