Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
