Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
