I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
