Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
