I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
