it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize