Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
