By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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