Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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