she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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