He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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