We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
