Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
