last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
