i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
