he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
