So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
