I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
