great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
