I am in a vortex of obligation.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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