you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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