holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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