It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
