my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
