No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
