i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
