I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
