Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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