Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
