You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
