What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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