this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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