He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
