census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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