im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
