So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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