I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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