Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
