We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
