party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
