My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
